The End of the Race – What’s Next?

My son Kyle has been home from his World Race Gap Year journey for about 3 months now.  If you would like to read about his journey, here is the link: KylePetersen.theworldrace.org.  He had an amazing nine months living in community with his team (family).  I can honestly say that he is not the same young man that he was when he left.  The maturity, love and conviction that have come to the surface in my child amaze me every day.  God is calling him to train to be a leader and go back on the race as a leader.  I’m excited for him to have a picture of what the next step looks like as he follows that vision.

The race was a time of growing, of living in community with purpose, being vulnerable, available and stretched.  Kyle misses the community living and the deep relationships that come from being together 24/7.  I listen as he struggles to assimilate back to the busy American culture of more work than adventure.  I know that there were hard times on the race but now looking back those are faint memories as the joy filled days of constant people are what he longs for.  He thinks that no one can understand what he is feeling – the grief, the loss, the longing, the void, the anticipation of the next step.

As I listen to my 21 year old son, I find myself relating in many ways to all of those feelings.  My youngest child just graduated high school and we have an empty nest to face in the next few years.  I would have never dreamed in the beginning that we would choose the route of homeschooling our kids but that is where God lead us.  Over 21 years ago I left the work place to be a stay home Mom – to lead and disciple my tribe.  We did a radical thing when we walked away from traditional school to learn at home.  Our goal from the beginning was to parent with purpose, to be vulnerable, to be a safe place for our kids to grow in who their were meant to be, to love them unconditionally, to make the most amazing memories together and to point our kids to Christ.  Oh there were hard days, but when I look back I long for the joy filled days of living in community 24/7.  There is a richness in my relationship with my kids that has come from a common journey – and now this portion of the journey is over.  I couldn’t be prouder of the journeys that each of my 4 children are on, we have done our job to the best of our ability and God has blessed it.  Their individual Kingdom journeys are just beginning, and yes they will intertwine with mine often, but it will never be the same as those relaxed precious moments of learning on the couch day after day.

As much as I grieve the loss of that sweet time we have shared as a family, what I am really feeling is an uncertainty of what the future holds.  My husband and I need to have community with a “tribe” of like minded people.  We don’t want to live to pay the bills and fall into bed exhausted without connecting on a relational level with anyone.  We are created to be in relationship and the busier I get the emptier I feel.  I’m not looking to parent all over again – that season is finished.  I am waiting on God to show us the next step for us as a couple.  In the meantime we are building into young adults in our life – encouraging them to live out their faith in a radical way.  The blessing of being around young adults is that their passion rubs off on us and inspires us to continue to grow in our own Kingdom journey.