Walk in Freedom

Drew and I recently returned from our first ever debrief with our World Race squad in Cambodia. It came and went with a whirl. As I process all that lead up to and included our week abroad, I can’t help but marvel at God’s hand paving the way years before we had ever even heard of the World Race.

From the perspective of our flesh, it has been a battle to believe that we have anything to offer this next generation. We after all are “just” a Mom and Dad, middle class workers, no different than many of the parents of the racers we would be coaching. However, God has called us into this position and He is equipping and teaching us as we step forward into this new position. I was convicted this morning as I read in Jeremiah – God rebuking Jeremiah for saying “I am a youth”.

The words burned as I read in Jeremiah 1:7-8 “…For you shall go to all to whom I send you, And whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of their faces, For I am with you to deliver you.” says the Lord.”

The plan God had for Jeremiah is different than the plan He has for Drew and I (thank goodness!) but the idea is the same – We need to trust Him and do what He asks. I feel like just understanding that gives me a whole new appreciation of walking in authority. Looking back on our time in Cambodia I can see that God really did give us everything we needed for each moment. He gave us words to share in teaching, as well as words during our one on ones. He gave us energy and rest. He gave us a greater understanding of what happens on the World Race as we could see the transformation that is happening in these young lives. He also gave us the dance moves that were needed for a fun night on the roof with our squad. Most importantly, He gave us a love for this squad that I can not even begin to explain. They have become an extension of my family.

As I was sitting here this morning, contemplating the balance of coaching and just living my normal life with all that that entails, a thought popped into my mind: “Walk in Freedom, Daughter”. It was a strange thought, that didn’t seem to connect at all with what I was thinking about. Should I just do whatever I want? I asked God what He might be trying to tell me. Later on an image came to my mind of someone in prison who has no choice in what to wear, what to eat, where to walk or sit. That same person probably dreams of a life of freedom. The day the chains are released they would walk with purpose toward that dream. What once was a dream could now become a reality if they do not lose sight of it.

I thought about my frustrations with how tight my clothes are getting (lots of carbs in Cambodia…and gelato!), how long my to do list is and all the projects I have to finish. I like to think that I have freedom but in truth I am in bondage to food and distractions. True freedom is when I look to the goal and walk towards it with purpose. My goal isn’t necessarily to be thin – although my thinner healthier body that is trapped right now in a prison of extra weight wants out. My goal isn’t even to live my “best life” – whatever that means. I’m reminded that life is short and living without regret is also freedom. My goal is to live a life that honors and gives glory to God! That means in my marriage, my parenting, my coaching, my friendships, my work, my home, my adventures – basically my time. What I have come to understand through trusting God with our future is that His plan far exceeds anything I could have come up with on my own. I feel more free than I can ever remember as we have let go of control of working too much or worrying about things beyond our control. God is good and He wants us to walk in the freedom that comes from a life surrendered to HIM!

1 Peter 2:16-17 “Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.”

Galatians 5:13 “For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.

 

 

Galations 5:1 “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”

Going Deeper

Marriage is a wonderful thing… it can also be a hard thing.  Drew and I have been married for almost 23 years, we have seen the ups and downs that marriage brings.  Lately we have been a little disconnected and I couldn’t put my finger on why.  I realized that this time of year we tend to get into a funk of sorts, mostly because Drew is exhausted during his busy season at work along with side jobs to see us through the long winter.  Our communication turns into a list of information to keep each other in the loop of what is happening in life.

Lately I have felt myself getting annoyed at almost everything Drew does and him being super defensive if I try to bring up anything deep.  Not wishing to debate and feeling like there was never a good time to approach what was going on I just stopped talking.  If you know me at all you know that I like to talk.  I stopped talking and instead starting praying, praying for some kind of breakthrough.  The weekend went on with lots of activities and extra people in the house and Drew and I  just operating on a superficial level.  Midway through our Sunday we still hadn’t taken time to really talk.  We found ourselves alone on the couch on our deck, all the kids were inside studying.  Rather than confront or pull away I chose to snuggle up to Drew.  I fell asleep with my head on his lap and him running his fingers through my hair.  When I woke up I asked what was going on with us.  There was a long silence – which I usually hate – but I waited.  His first response was trying to figure out what he thought I wanted to hear – which I also hate.  I explained I didn’t want to fight, in fact I wanted to grow deeper.  We both realized that we were being like porcupines.  An illustration we had heard years ago at a conference describing how we say poking remarks that jab.  With each attempt to get close we end up hurting each other and blaming the other when we are both to blame.  Without distractions and too comfortable to leave when the topic got tough,  I was able to listen to what my husband was thinking and feeling.  And because I listened, Drew took time to listen to me too.  I wish it would have happened earlier in the weekend but I’m happy we made time to connect and adjust how we have been communicating (or not communicating).

The Bible likens our relationship with Jesus to that of marriage.  I can see how my life can get so busy with distractions that I fail to have a deep connection that I desire.  I spend time reading my Bible and praying out of habit, with my list of requests, when what God is calling me to is to lay my head on his lap and be with Him.  When I slow down, drawing near to my God, He speaks to me and reminds me of His unending love for me.  When I chose to listen, my trust in Him grows.  When I know that I am loved, that I can trust my relationship is intact, it gives me great peace.  The same can be said for my marriage – when I trust my spouse, knowing he loves me and  that we both want a deeper relationship, it gives me peace.

“As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.”  John 15:9

Are you Weary?

 

Life has been pretty busy lately.  Our home seems to constantly have a hum of activity as people come and go.  I love it, don’t get me wrong, but right now I am thankful for the quiet.  I have one son at a training camp for the World Race Gap Year, a son and a daughter up at camp for a few weeks, Grace has gone home to be with her family for the summer, my parents have moved on to the next leg of their vacation, Drew is at work and I am ALONE!  Honestly I have been feeling weary, it’s been a struggle to even be kind as I can feel the effects of burn out.  I know I need to be refreshed, I’ve known for a while now, but there have been so many things pulling at me that I couldn’t find the time or even know what to do to be refreshed.  I’ve noticed that some of my friends seem to be in this same state of weariness that I am in and I wanted desperately to share some great wisdom that would fill you up with new strength.  Hard to do when I’m just trying to figure it out myself.

I was talking with a dear missionary friend of mine who had come home suddenly for some respite, a chance to be alone with God and wrestle through her burdens.  As we talked I could relate in so many ways to the feelings she was sharing of being weary.  We both walked away from that conversation encouraged in the fact that we are not alone.  As women we can give and give until we are completely depleted, not recognizing the warning signs before it is too late.  Recognizing the opportunity with my kids gone and a quiet home, I went to the Lord to seek rest.  It all sounds so easy but let me show you the struggle so that you will know that you are not alone.

I’m finally having a quiet time – it’s almost 1130am and I work at 2pm.  So I come before the Lord and I’m distracted – dishes left from last nights bbq, a sticky counter, Facebook, emails, clothes to wash and put away, sheets that need to be changed, bills to pay and letters to write.  It’s cool out, even so I head out to the deck with my Bible to sit before the Lord.  More distractions – Hello Robin, Mr Blue Jay, evil red squirrel getting too close to a robin’s nest in our apple tree, our apples already have worm holes(bummer), robins dive bombing red squirrel, branches and apples falling to the deck, oh look at the cute bunny heading for our neighbor’s garden … Where were we God?

I want to hear His voice, instead I hear a distant chain saw, birds singing, a low rumble of thunder (I love storms), a chatty squirrel and my list calling me from inside the house…

“But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.”  Isaiah 40:31

Teach me Lord – I’ve got about 20 minutes.  Rain – sweet sound sitting under the canopy on the deck… Your mercies are new every morning.  Lord, join me on this day as I prepare to go to work.  Fill me with Your Holy Presence so I have something to give.  I envy those who have monthly retreats spending time with You alone in a quiet place – but this is all I have today.  Help me to be faithful in this busy season of my life.   Help me to put You first, to give myself grace when I am distracted and not add the burden of guilt to my already full plate.  Walk with me, be near, I don’t know what this day holds.  There are others like me Lord – be with them also, wherever they are, help them to know that they are not alone.  I want to encourage them but I don’t know what to say because I am still weary.  Instead I choose to praise the God of creation and to wait.  My heart feels hopeful, my tears cleansing, my cup is filling.  I am not alone.

Loving beyond Labels

I’ve been thinking about labels lately.  My first thought was that I really don’t like being labeled.  I wondered if my dislike for labels goes along with my dislike in being told what to do.  Somehow it seems that if you are labeled it takes away your freedom to break out of how other people think of you  by your  label.  I realize it’s a bit more complex because in truth labels help us understand in just a few words what makes a person unique.  Labels can bring compassion:  orphan, widow – with just a word we understand that there has been a loss and we give grace.  It wasn’t that long ago that the word refugee had the same effect.  Where once our hearts were stirred with providing protection for people who have lost everything, experienced tragic emotional and physical abuse beyond what any human deserves to go though, now the same label provokes fear and anger.  The faces no longer haunt us when we chose to look at a generalization, grouping people into a label that might not even be defined correctly.  There is evil in the world and there are definitely terrorists but to equate refugee to terrorists is a stretch at the very least.

When I think of some of the labels that I can fit under:  American, wife, Homeschool mom, Caucasian, Christian etc, I wonder what comes to the mind of the reader?  Depending on where in the world you live you could hear “American” and think immoral (from tv) or gun slinging, crude, proud, I doubt you envision a middle age woman sitting by her fireplace, reading her Bible and dreaming of making a difference in this world.  A label does not do justice because it is skewed by our perception.  The only way that we can get to the heart of a person is by building a relationship with them.  If I put someone in a box, a label, with my own narrow view as the definition, I miss seeing the beautiful diverse world that God has created.  I miss being a part of something so much bigger than anything I could figure out on my own.

It’s the season of Advent – we are waiting and anticipating the arrival of Christ.  The prophets told of a coming Messiah.  That label, Messiah, gave the Jewish people great hope.  That same label gave King Herod great fear which lead to him murdering a whole generation of baby boys.  God spared Jesus by showing Mary and Joseph through a vision to flee.  I wonder how many other families were able to flee the wickedness of King Herod’s pride?  As refugees did their host country of Egypt accept them?  Did they live on barely enough food to stay alive as refugees in camps all over the world do today?  Did they wonder if they would ever get a chance to go home again?  I wonder if their experience being refugees shaped how Jesus saw the broken and hurting around him?  Is that why he said,  “Whatever you do for the least of these, you do for me.”? (Matthew 25:40)

I don’t think that it’s reasonable to say we should do away with labels, they serve a purpose.  I also don’t think we will ever go back to a time when everyone within miles of you looked like you, believed as you, spoke your language, ate the same food…. our world is closing in with different cultures right at our door.  It’s time to step out of our comfort zone, take a step towards learning about our neighbors, caring for them as people made in the image of Christ.  I think as I take time to understand, to see beyond the labels or preconceived ideas I may have, I will be the one richer for entering in on the journey of another.  Maybe by being a friend, the labels and preconceived ideas they may have about me will fall away too.  I do know that if all I see is a label, I will miss an opportunity to see the person that I’m sure has as many labels to live under as I do.  As people we are so complex, created after a God that is even more complex.  When I try to imagine who God is I look at the Bible and it’s labels… and even then I get but a glimpse of what an amazing God He is.

Isaiah 9:6 “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

 

Our Key to a Happy Marriage

Young love

Today Drew and I are celebrating 22 years of marriage.  I really am thankful for this man – for his loyalty, kindness, faithfulness, hard work, trust, love for the Lord and for me.  As I think about the last 22 years, it’s easy to gloss over the hard parts and focus on how “perfect” our marriage is.  I’m happy with our marriage but it has had it’s ups and downs just like any marriage.  I have had a failed marriage and the difference I think of why this marriage is a success is that we spend more time fighting for our marriage then we do fighting for our rights.  That is not easy for me because I like to have my way.

If I could pick one theme of our marriage it is probably “searching”.  22 years ago we headed out to a wonderful honeymoon in Cancun, MX – complete paradise with no interruptions or responsibilities.  When we arrived home we couldn’t get into our apartment because “WE” had lost the keys.  Little did I know at that time how often this type of scenario would play out over the course of our married life.  Honestly I don’t think we have gone a week without having to search for something that has been lost.  Trust me that has been frustrating, sometimes way more then others depending on the inconvenience.  Usually, after praying and  spending too much of our day, we find what is missing.  Sometimes we haven’t, and I wonder if we had a small rodent that steals from us, hoarding our keys, wallets or other items away.  Sadly this Absent Minded Professor trait has been passed down to our children too.

I can look at this pattern, that I don’t like and I can’t seem to change and be forever annoyed.  What I have come to learn over the years is that I cannot control everything, as much as I would like to have life just run smoothly without lost keys, lost time or lost lives.  I can only control how I respond to what comes my way.  I can choose to believe the best, forgive and move on.  Drew is way better at this than I am, but I’m growing in this area.

If you have ever been on the adventure of an overseas mission trip you know that in order for the trip to be a success team unity is a must.  We pray together, spend time together and lay down the rules:  Flexibility is your middle name, no expectations and it’s ALL good.  Those same rules work in marriage.  When Drew and I are in prayer together and make time to connect we don’t struggle with the small annoyances that come with living with someone different than you.  When I choose to be flexible and be a servant, my husband often mirrors my efforts and we walk in unity and visa versa.  We both have failed to do this and when we are wanting our own way or walking all over the other person, the reflection we get is ugly.  I have been stuck at times of just seeing the ugly side of living with a broken person, not seeing the good but instead focusing on every little thing that bugs me – it’s like an infection as it starts to spread to every area of my life.  The quicker I remind myself that Drew is not my enemy, the quicker I get the relationship right, the less chance there is of our marriage crumbling.  We do have an enemy that would love to see our marriage/family go down and we must be vigilant.

Here are 5 things that we have done to protect our marriage over the years (please add your own thoughts in the comment section of what you have done to protect your marriage):

1. Divorce is not an option:  Been there, done that …. never again.
2. Our home is a place of refuge – that means everyone is valued, respected and safe.
3. Jesus is Lord of this home/family/marriage – decisions we make must line up with God’s Word.
4. Love is a choice – I Corinthians 13 spells it out – just do it!
5. We have surrounded ourselves with like-minded people – our church family is rock solid.  We have no desire to do life alone.

Before I met Drew I was searching for love in all the wrong places, now I’ve found that love.  Together we are seeking God’s Kingdom and that feels a whole lot more worthwhile than searching for lost things.  Life has been quite an adventure so far with this man God has given me.  In many ways we have grown up together, in our faith as well as years together.  Life is a journey -I’m thankful for the strengths Drew brings to our journey.  The next few years will change us as we watch our kids head out into their own journeys… I think I’m starting to get used to the idea that I will have more time with the man I love.

The Gift of Joy

joy

A few years ago I started on a journey to understand joy – true joy not just what I had previously thought of joy.  We hear a lot about joy this time of year but somehow we have exchanged “happiness’ for joy leaving many of us disillusioned with the thought of  ever finding it.  With joy on my radar I started noticing it all over the place, particularly in my daily Bible reading, and it wasn’t always what I thought it would be.  Often times in the Bible joy is mentioned in the midst of trials.  I don’t recall ever reading that everything is perfect so now I feel joy.  What I discovered was that true joy is really about the journey, including the ups and downs.  The other part of true joy is knowing you are not on that journey alone.  Joy sometimes brings pleasure and good things, but the truth is that you can experience deep joy in the middle of life’s greatest difficulties.

If you are a Mom and have had to endure labor to bring about the birth of your child (or even if you adopted and had to endure months of waiting for your child to be yours), you can probably grasp the joy that you felt when that moment arrived.  I remember my husband putting together music for me to have in the delivery room.  The song I played over and over was Twyla Paris “The Joy of the Lord is My Strength”.  I found comfort in the middle of my pain as I clung to the fact that I was not alone.  One of my favorite scripture in Hebrews reads

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Jesus endured great pain but he concentrated on the joy that was before Him.  He knew that His death was not the end, He would conquer death and come back to give fresh hope to His disciples (as well as us).

At Christmas time we sing “Joy to the World the Lord is Come”.  It was the anticipation of a coming King that brought that joy to the Jewish people.  They were in the middle of persecution by the Roman government and were looking forward to being rescued.  As exciting as it must have been to know that a baby had been born in Bethlehem just as had been prophesied to happen, it had to have been a bit discouraging knowing they would have to endure at least 20 years before that baby could rule as the King they thought he would be.  What gave them joy was the fact that the prophecy was true – God’s word was true!  They could endure the hardship with anticipation of what was to come – that is joy.

When my children were little they would miss their Dad when he was at work.  As we anticipated his arrival back home at the end of the day there would be great joy when he walked in the door, or disappointment if he was late.  There were days though when we would be so busy doing our own thing that we didn’t give much thought to him coming home.  We took for granted that he would be there.  I think it can be the same with our relationship with Jesus.  He has promised us that He will return and that we need to be anticipating that day.  When our days here on earth are hard, I long for the day of Christ’s return.  Too often I get so busy that days go by without me anticipating the day when I will look directly into his eyes with complete JOY.

I challenge you this Christmas to begin a journey of joy.  Your Christmas decorations and gifts will not bring you joy, your busy schedule will not bring you joy, your family in itself will not bring you joy – true joy is found in being in God’s presence.

Psalm 16:11 “You show me the path of life, In Your presence is fullness of JOY; In your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

Grace?

In our homeschool, we start each school day off with a time of prayer and reading the Bible as well as some other interesting reads.  This morning as we were all gathered together, I decided to use that time to air my frustrations.  It’s the end of the year and in my mind things were not going as well as I had hoped.  My kids weren’t putting as much effort into their work and I was frustrated at myself for feeling like I was failing them.  As I was finishing up my speech, that was going nowhere fast, I took out our new book that we would begin reading as soon as I was done talking:  “What’s So Amazing About Grace?” by Philip Yancey.  Immediately convicted by the fact that I was showing my children NO grace at the moment, I laughed and said they would have to just follow along as I read this book for my own benefit. 

Recently Dr. Kermit Gosnell has been in the news for the horrific things that were happening in his clinic. He has been found guilty – which is encouraging when we see justice for crimes that are committed, especially to our children. http://news.msn.com/crime-justice/philly-abortion-doctor-guilty-in-3-babies-deaths But today when I was thinking about grace, it occurred to me that when I was living my life independent from God and even rebellious towards Him (what the Bible calls sin), God’s grace covered over all of my sin. In reality, my life and the choices I had made were just as repulsive as Dr. Gosnell’s choices… and all those who supported those choices. Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory (standard) of God.” That sin separates us from God, resulting in spiritual death, which accounts for the emptiness man experiences in his life. The truth is God is so holy and pure that He cannot tolerate any evil. When I try to justify what I do wrong by comparing it to something someone else does that is worse – I’m completely missing the point. God is the only standard worth comparing ourselves to and none of us on our own power can ever be good enough. The cool thing is, He has made a way for each one of us to experience the freedom from our own guilt and punishment that we each deserve. I Peter 3:18 “For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God.” and Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” God’s love and justice were both demonstrated at the cross. Jesus, as our substitute, willingly suffered the punishment of death we deserved. Because of His death and resurrection, God can now offer eternal life as a free gift.

Once we realize that we are guilty and deserve God’s judgment, there is nothing we can do to remove that guilt on our own; Jesus alone is the solution for our sins. We now have a choice to make: 1. Continue on independently from God and face the penalty of death (spiritual and later eternal) or 2. Accept the gift of receiving Jesus Christ and putting your faith and trust in Him alone. John 1:12 “Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God.” and I John 5:11-12 ” And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life.” John 5:24 “I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes Him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life.” This is just the beginning of a wonderful relation with God. (If you have questions about this – contact http://www.gccweb.org)

In my own life, I went through several years of doing things my own way and have had to live with the consequences of those decisions. But when I finally got to a point where I gave up my “rights” and decided to trust God and do things His way, what I experienced was grace and forgiveness that I never understood before. For the first time I really felt free. I found the Bible not burdensome at all but it made sense and gave me boundaries where I had been lacking. I wasn’t so different than Dr. Gosnell, I also believed the lies our world told us that if something is legal it is okay… and then we find ourselves pushing even those boundaries back and justifying ourselves because others are doing it. It’s really confusing when laws are constantly changing and we are being told that everyone has to decide within themselves what is right and what is wrong. I love that God’s Word does not change and is as relevant today as it has been throughout history.

I am repulsed by the things that have come out in the media about the Dr. Gosnell case and there should be consequences. But my Bible tells me to “love my enemies” and to not rejoice when the wicked are punished. I personally will be praying for him because I know that the price Jesus paid on the cross was enough to even cover all the blood that was shed of those innocent babies. I also know that if Dr. Gosnell (or anyone) would turn from their own ways and live according to God’s Word, these things would not happen. God’s Word is powerful and life changing… I know, because it continues to change me.

“Don’t the Bible say we must love everybody?”
“O, the Bible! To be sure, it says a great many
things; but, then, nobody ever thinks of doing them.”
Harriet Beecher Stowe, Uncle Tom’s Cabin